Lockdown Roast Baby Chicken

Baby chicken, marinated for about 6 hours. Thick sliced new potatoes, also marinated along with the chicken.

Pour a glass of water into a baking tray and chuck in a few wedges of lime. Place the chicken on a wire mesh so as to avoid contact with the water.

Cover the whole thing in foil and bake at 200° for 40 minutes.

Remove foil and continue baking for another 10 minutes, spraying a little olive oil to get that moist shiny look.

Result: A most succulent, cotton-wool soft chicken you can pinch off the bone.

Total cost: £5.00

Feeds: 2-3 people.

The Joker Was Right

The shelves in most supermarkets are empty.

The SOCIALIST talks of socialism and the faked virtue of social justice, and yet, he went out, and he hoarded and hoarded.

The CONSERVATIVE, him of the Big Society, of community compassion, abandoning all principles of Conservatism, went out, and he hoarded and hoarded.

The CHRISTIAN talks of Jesus feeding the five thousand, of loving thy neighbour, and yet, he went out, and he hoarded and hoarded.

The MUSSALMAN talks of Zakaat and Sadaqah, of Mercy, and yet, he went out, and he hoarded and hoarded.

The SIKH, he of the free Guru ka Langar, open to one and all, went out, and he too, hoarded and hoarded. 

The JEW, him of the Tzedakah and the ethical obligation of charity, went out, and he, like everyone else, hoarded and hoarded.

The Joker was right:

“Their morals, their code; it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. You'll see. I'll show you. When the chips are down these, ur these 'civilized people'? 

They'll eat each other."

Handwashing Tunes

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Instead of the mundane 'Happy Birthday' ditty they're suggesting you use to time your handwashing routine, try my suggestions. Each of these should be about just over the recommended 20-second routine...

And you'll feel helluva a lot better.

#1

Well you can tell by the way I wash

I'm a careful man, no time to talk

Water's warm, the soap is slick

I've been touching crap

I shouldn't have been

Well it's all right, it's okay

I will live another day

And you can try, to understand

The fight between virus and man

Whether you're a brother

Or whether you're a mother

You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'

And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive

#2

Oh baby, baby

I shoulda just used some soap

Sanitiser wasn't right here

Oh baby, baby, I shouldn't have touched your nose

Now you're crying out your eyes, yeah

Show me how you want it to be

Tell me, baby, 'cause I need to know now, oh because

This Covid crap is killing me (and I)

I must confess, I touch and feel (touch and feel)

When I'm not with you I like to grind

And give out signs

Grope me baby, one more time

#3

And now, soaptime is here

Right after I flush the cistern

My friend, I'll wash 'em clear

And I'll scrub in haste,

All the pathogens.

I'll live a life that's full

For I've been taught, basic hygiene

And more,

Much more than this,

I'll wash 'em my way

You are very welcome.