Friday, 29 August 2014

Pass The Ice Bucket

I learnt a valuable lesson today. I am so ashamed of the person I have become. 

Recently, I poured three litres of tap-water, combined with a kilogram of ice - both of which cost me less than 50p - over my head, and created a video of it to post on Facebook. (See video below, or here on Facebook)

This, I have been lead to believe, is a direct insult to all those poor souls who have internet access, but no water to drink, cook and bathe in. My heart sinks at the thought of those aforementioned poor souls logging on to Facebook, downloading fairly high-resolution videos of people in London (where it rains pretty much every day) and seeing all that water go to waste. I could have done so much better - I could have couriered the three litres of London rain-water to some village in India or sub-Saharan Africa. I am truly a terrible person.

I should tell my kids to stop raising their hand in class if they know the answer - in case the dumb kids feel bad; I should stop making satirical comments and posts on Facebook, Twitter and my blog, because those who don't get it might feel inadequate; I should not post pictures of cupcakes - while millions can't afford one square meal a day; or post updates of me criticizing politicians - while millions can't even vote; or post pictures of me hanging out with friends - while millions suffer from loneliness and heart-break; or posts about what a wonderful poem my child wrote - while millions aren't able to send their kids to school; or write posts about how my new shoes hurt - while millions go bare feet all their lives; or post pictures of me walking, running or playing something - while there are millions of people unable to do the same...

I should just close my Facebook account and stop living. In fact, I should just quit everything and live like a hermit.

Or I could tell all the privilege-guilt-ridden people to do one. A cold shower is known to be effective against many kinds of frustrations and feigned moral merde. 

Some of you could use one. Really.

Saturday, 23 August 2014

On turning 45

Been there, laments my soul
Done that, protests my body
Seen it all, declare my eyes
And yet their claims ring hollow;
For I lurch into another year
Admonishing my flailing faculties 
You're only halfway there
If you stop doing, you start dying
And you ain't seen nothing yet
And many t-shirts remain unsold

Monday, 4 August 2014

The Silly Season - Again

Sooo... here's what's going down. While people are taking sides in a conflict where one side fires thousands of rockets and doesn't hit a thing, knowing fully well that it is the retaliation that will receive eventual worldwide coverage, while D-lister celebrities line up to say something, anything, just to stay fashionable and relevant, while both right wingers and left wingers froth at the mouth in attempts to denounce each other, while politicians scurry around for the ethnic minority vote, not because of its volume, but for its perceived visibility, while strong champions of liberal thought, erroneously post links to sites they're getting their kicks off of, while the Union-funded campaign for the leader of the opposition pulls yet another gaff, making him sound like he meant the opposition against the Allies - (us mainly and this is funny because it's true), there's something far more serious afoot:

ISIS in on the rampage in Iraq & Syria, decapitating, crucifying, executing en-mass, marking minority (non-Muslim, non-Sunni) homes reminiscent of the way Nazis did ethnic and racial cleansing and, yes - extermination, killing far more people in a day than any other conflict we have ever known in modern times.

And what are most people in the West doing? They're listening to Russell Brand, talking about things he knows nothing about, not that Hannity knows any better anyway - so it's one Neanderthal against another really, and squinting at labels in supermarkets to ascertain the origin of the dates they're about to buy, to see if they're not kosher... Ironic doesn't even begin to describe it.

Well done you educated idiots of the first world. Well bloody done.