Jodie & Poppy

Yesterday, 'Jodie & Poppy' were trending on Twitter. This is why. Make of it what you will.

Poppy: Oh my God I've got a lump in my throat.

Jodie: I know. I've got a lump in my throat.

Poppy: That is so... well tragic!

Jodie: That's how come there's a buffet... Cos normally it's just bar food and peanuts.

Poppy: Aww... that said, I like peanuts.

Jodie: I like peanuts.

Poppy: You have got to be careful with them though, ain't ya?

Jodie: Oh, yeah. Cos of choking and your anaphylactic.

Poppy: You'd move, wouldn't ya? I would if it was... you know, my baby.

Jodie: Yeah. Shall we move? We could go somewhere else, couldn't we? I could call Darren.

Poppy: Oh no, don't call Darren. Cos he's coming here now. Y'know, it's nice here, ain't it?

Jodie: It is nice here.

Poppy: I bet it's really nice when they ain't having a funeral.

Jodie: That's cos you look below the surface, Poppy. I said to Darren, "If you want your cunning plan to work, I need to have one of my deep friends." I said "Cos Poppy will not just look at a buttoned-up collar and oily T-zone and straight off think minger."

Poppy: Aw... Is Tamwar a right minger?

Jodie: Tamwar's got a lot going for him Poppy. He just needs to find someone what don't judge a book by its cover.

[Zainab comes in]

Jodie: Just don't look over there.

Poppy: Why what's over there?

Jodie: His mother.

[Zainab looks around and leaves]

[They sit down and the conversation continues...]

Jodie: Cos apparently she - Zainab - she owned a post office or something and he - Masood, he's only a postman.

Poppy: Oh! [swooning] That's like a match made in heaven.

Jodie: That is a match made in heaven Poppy. Cos if you work together, you're bound to have something to talk about, aren't ya?

Poppy: Oh yeah! You're gonna be having dinner and you're gonna be talking and talking, ain't ya? And... you're never gonna run out of stamps!

Jodie: And now he's bought her a restaurant.

Poppy: No!

Jodie: I know!

Poppy: Oh! That is so [swooning again] well romantic!

Jodie: It is. I said to Darren "That is well romantic, that is." I said "Cos romance, that is the key to a lasting relationship." Cos I read that in a book.

Poppy: Yeah! I read that!

Jodie: I said and the thing is, cos you know I've been waiting to have my moment? I said "All respect and that, if an elderly, middle-aged man can buy his wife a whole new business after years of marriage and kids, and having a son what's gay..."

Poppy: What? I thought Tamwar just had a T-zone!

Jodie: No, this is the other one what's gay.

Poppy: Oh...

Jodie: I said, "Darren..." I said "I think we need to look at the whole plate and sink business."

Poppy: [incredulously] No!

Jodie: Well, you know it's been really bugging me?

Poppy: Well I know it's been bugging ya. What did he say?

Jodie: Nothing.

Poppy: He never said nothing?

Jodie: He didn't say nothing Poppy. My heart was in my mouth. It was in front of the whole lot of them, he just got up and I thought "This is it. This is make or break, this is." Cos if he throws a wobbler now, I'm gonna to get strident. I'm gonna mention the towels, and the feet, and most probably them noises. And he just looked at me. And he gave me this tiny little smile. And he puts his own plate in the sink.

Poppy: By himself?

Jodie: By himself.

Poppy: Aww! Love him!

Jodie: Well, I've learnt from my mum.

Poppy: You see, that's what I want, Jod. I want that - a proper relationship. That's.. that's like talking without words, that is.

Jodie: Well, I do love him. But if you start off a doormat, you end up the loo roll.

Poppy: How is your mum?

Jodie: Lovely. How's yours?

Poppy: Yeah, lovely.

Jodie: How's your dad?

Poppy: Yeah.

Jodie: Hows your dad?

Poppy: Yeah...

Jodie: I wrote THE Christmas card.

Poppy: You done THE Christmas card?

Jodie: I wrote it, "Dear Dad, you are my dad, and you'll always be my dad, because you're the only dad I've ever had, and I know you may not want to hear this, what with it being written in a Christmas card, and you being Jewish, but I think you should get over yourself. Just snap right out of it. Stop. Just stop blaming me for something which I can't help. Cos being a dad, it ain't about biology, its about loving and I miss you and I just want you to get that into your thick, thick head."

Poppy: You never sent it?

Jodie: No, I never sent it, Poppy. You can't make a person hear if they're blocking their ears, Poppy.

Poppy: Yeah. I read that.

[Darren arrives and they get up to leave]

Poppy: Dog & Duck's nice.

Jodie: Dog & Duck is nice. Coach & Horses. I like the Rose & Crown.

Poppy: Then again, I like the Rose & Crown.

Jodie: You choose Poppy. Full lunch menu. Wherever. On Darren.

Darren: That weren't part of the cunning plan.

Jodie: It weren't a cunning plan. It was just a plan. There weren't no cunning in it.

Ten New Years Revolutions for 2011

This is taken from Old Holborn's blog.

As the United Kingdom edges closer to becoming a third world country; anger, frustration, and cynicism continue to mount in the minds of the British population. This pessimism seems warranted as authentic political solutions appear to be in short supply in our corporate and welfare state.

The democratic political system is now clearly run by crony cartelism. The multinational banks have hijacked the economy and are openly looting the public. Mounting and impossible-to-pay off debt is crippling government. The entire spectrum of our rights continues to degrade. Crimes that would land regular citizens in jail are now openly being committed by the elite and their organisations with no justice. And perhaps most telling, the power structure is establishing a control grid to eliminate due process for the Internet and beyond to stifle any dissent.

Given the current situation, it can seem impossible to affect real change. However, the exact opposite is the case. The only reason the system is maintained is because the majority still acquiesce to it. However, change won’t come by electing new establishment politicians, because no matter how noble they may be they still must play the corrupt game. Change won’t come through violent protests or offensive cyber hacktivism, as that only invites and justifies the creeping police state. We must stop accepting and supporting the system, individually, in order to change it.

Because our representative democracy has become a fraud, and the media and courts are clearly shills for the oligarchs, our only action appears to be non-violent rebellion; one person and community at a time. We can expose the crimes and immorality of the corporate state through civil disobedience and conscientious objection. We can punish multinational companies who commit flagrant fouls on humanity and the environment by boycotting them. Additionally, we can peacefully regain our liberty by becoming less dependent on the system for our basic needs.

Here are ten solutions through non-violent activism:

1. Buy Local Food: One of the most powerful cartels that has their tentacles into government is the food cartel. Sainsburys, Tesco, all are either politicians themselves or in party funding up to the eyeballs. Boycott them. The best way to conquer this cartel is by eating local; produce your own food, join and contribute to local cooperatives, and engage your neighbours and community for more local food solutions. Local co-ops are also a great place to trade locally crafted goods and even services.

2. Become More Self-Sufficient: Our modern society has made us dependent on something or someone other than ourselves for most necessities such as electricity, food, water, medicine, security, and education. This dependence puts us at the direction or disposal of the cartel state. Therefore, the only entity that has the power to grant us liberty is ourselves; and we can take back our independence through self-sufficiency. Being self-sufficient means learning skills that will help you and your family survive economic downturns or other emergencies. These skills may also help you to be less dependent on your job as they’ll make you a useful independent producer. Lead your neighbourhood and community toward production and away from dependence.

3. Get Healthier: The increasing pace of life seems to offer a wealth of distractions from the importance of living a truly healthy and free life. Our modern world offers easy choices like fast-food in place of fresh produce; TV in place of reading, exercise, or meditation; Internet social networks in place of meaningful personal relationships, etc. Identify the areas lacking in your own life and resolve to make the necessary changes that will increase your physical fitness, mental acuity, and your spiritual evolution. These three areas are what truly sustain us in both good times and bad — not smart phones, Xboxes, X Factor, and the virtual world.

4. Buy Silver and Gold: We desperately need a monetary revolution before the Euro experiment completely collapses. Like all revolutions this must start from a groundswell of rebellious action. A good place to start is to convert your devaluing paper money to physical gold and silver. This will punish the banks, as well as protect your assets. Furthermore, if paper monies continues to collapse, silver and gold may well become a viable currency in society once again. Buying junk silver is something anyone can afford to do and is highly recommended.

5. Expose the Agenda: The “agenda” is one of consolidation of wealth, power, and control in every facet imaginable. The international elite are approaching near one-world control, which they call full spectrum dominance of economies and societies. In other words; national, local, and individual sovereignty is all but gone. It is extremely important to engage your local community, especially community leaders and police, to reiterate their obligation to serve us, the local community , and not to follow illegal Statutes. Above all, do not give in to the temptation of apathy as you begin to learn more about the systems of control. These systems first count on your ignorance, then they count on laziness. Finally, say what you stand for such as peace, liberty, and genuine justice with even more force than shouting about what you oppose.

6. Boycott: In the U.K it has become obvious that a system has taken hold which is economically designed for one thing: consumption. This is the value that each person has been given from birth. So, one key way to assert your power and value in such a system is to vote with your wallet. Every purchase you make either contributes to, or boycotts this corporatist structure. Become aware of who the real owners are and what inhumane practices are behind the products you purchase, so that you can make intelligent choices that support your health and promote justice. Additionally, it is important to learn the true contents of the products you buy, so that you don’t fall prey to slick advertising and corporate misdirection.

7. Local Politics: Forget wasting any of your energy and resources on Westminster politics — they have sold out long ago to the higher authorities that fund their multi-million pound campaigns. Instead, get involved in council politics and community initiatives. The future will be built from the ground up, starting right in your own neighbourhood. Local politics is where you can affect tangible changes. Each minor victory will send shock waves to other small communities and the country as a whole, so be sure to document the steps you have taken to achieve victory, then share your story for others to emulate.

8. Military refusal: Do not contribute to fraudulent wars, and do not succumb to the pressure of feeling “unpatriotic.” There are countless groups of Afghanistan war veterans who have seen through the government lies that have led to unnecessary deaths, as well as the financial destruction of the country. There is, in fact, no more patriotic action that can be taken than to demand that our military be used properly to strengthen the country, rather than to weaken it. For some, there is absolutely no excuse for war, ever, and merely the act of showing up contributes to this affliction. It is a profound resolution of courage to live by your convictions. So, if opposing the fraudulent wars is your main issue, file as a conscientious objector and contribute to peace instead of war. As Gandhi said, “There is no path to peace; peace is the path.”

9. Don’t Use Banks: The banks have proven to be some of the most immoral, dare we say “evil,” institutions on the planet. Besides their Ponzi-style Wall Street casino and mortgage/foreclosure fraud, they also profit heavily from wars, misery, and debt. We can at least vow not to take on any new bank financing of any kind — mortgages, credit cards, or car loans, etc. Where possible, bank with local building societies instead of the big banks that make up the cartel. I don't even have a bank account any more. I refuse to play.

10. Tax Resistance: Becoming a tax resister is a hardcore action of civil disobedience that comes with serious consequences. It is your duty to AVOID taxation. It is conscientious objection to theft by the State. You earned it, you keep it. If you disagree with what the State does, stop feeding it the money it needs to do what it does. Wear the badge of tax avoider with pride.

All that remains to say is I wish all our readers a healthy, happy, prosperous New Year. Whatever you want, you are the only one that can make it happen. It starts with YOU. Be the change.

Merry Christmas & A Prosperous 2011!

Or if you prefer...

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral, winter solstice holiday, practised within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all; plus... A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed colour, religious, or sexual preferences of the wishees.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to no further clarification and while it may freely transferable with or without any alteration, the sender's right for its withdrawal at any time with no explanation is reserved. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where good tidings are prohibited by law. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. Warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher. Any injuries or distress caused are purely tough luck.

Dear Luke Pearce

This is in response to a letter by Luke Pearce to Sir Philip Green as published on Labourlist.org

Dear Luke Pearce

You do make a poor argument. You will undoubtedly carry out your purchases from another, possibly very similar business to the Arcadia Group, which will have their own ways of minimising the impact of taxes on their bottom line.

As with all outgoings in a business, tax is just another expense. This, combined with other expenses affect the cost of products, the wages of staff and the profitability of shareholders (many of which, if not most are ordinary people like you and me), who actually own the business. Sir Philip Green's job is to minimise these costs to be able to (a) provide a return to shareholders, (b) keep prices of his products low and competitive and (c) generate enough money to be able to pay his workforce in line with or above market rates.

The assertions in your letter seem to suggest that Sir Philip Green should voluntarily pay more tax than he legally owes. Why would anyone in the their right mind structure their business in a way to maximise costs? How absurd would that be?

Please note the distinction between tax avoidance and tax evasion. Tax evasion is non-payment of taxes due and a crime. Tax avoidance is a way of structuring your finances in a way so that you don't pay more than you have to. As allowed by law.

Sir Philip's partner, born in South Africa and a resident of Monaco is not liable for taxes in the UK. You are assuming that £285 million is untaxed. That's wrong. It IS taxed. In Monaco. Are you suggesting Her Majesty's Government tax people who are not British and not resident in Britain?

As a public servant, you are not driven by the need for growth and profitability as people who risk their all in running a business are, but I am sure you understand what it means to reduce costs. You do it too, when you shop around for food, clothes, mortgage deals, benefit entitlements, etc. Or buy cigarettes and liquor from trips to the European mainland. Okay, I'll admit there's a difference in scale but the principle is the same.

I don't see how you see yourself as 'shortchanged' and a victim. Was it your money that he earned? I wonder if you have ever voluntarily paid more tax that you were legally obliged to. I think not.

What if I suggested that every time you make a purchase, donate a percentage of the cost to the HMRC? It's the same thing - if Sir Philip Green pays more taxes, his products will cost more. Eventually it is YOU, the customer who will have to pay more.

On another note, you were able to shave off a whopping £120,000 or 45% of your non-staff and overtime budgets. I can only imagine the amount of flab there might have been for you to be able to almost halve that. And I suspect you already know you're going to better that.

If you must protest, then do so to bring down taxes in this country so we are competitive internationally. And if we're all in this together, surely there are 'culprits' other than Sir Philip Green's wife (who dutifully complies with the law of the land), who you could be targeting. For example, that great bastion of the left - The Guardian Media Group's parent company is one half of a joint venture that is incorporated in the Cayman Islands. Eden Bidco, the holding company formed by the Guardian Media Group and private equity house Apax last year to acquire Emap, is also registered offshore.

I wondered if you knew.

Yours sincerely

A very concerned citizen

Graduates, here's one view

Graduates are ten-a-penny these days and half of them cannot spell to save their lives. University has become one big 3-year long drunken haze for most young people. I know, because I've hired a few over the last few years. Imagine, a literature graduate who didn't know where "One may smile and smile and be a villain..." came from! None of the people protesting seem to have done the sums on the new proposals. That's how bad their level of functional maths is... Pay for it and only then will you make it pay for you.

There are of course a lot of graduates that actually go to university for the right reasons and none of this is about them.

The Liberal Democrats' pledge does not matter. It really does not. They did not win the election, so they can't be held to it. What they have done in terms of concessions from the Conservative manifesto is laudable. If anything, Liberal Democrat voters should be proud. A lot of things have to be cut, a lot of sacrifices have to be made. Some of it WILL be driven by ideology, some by pragmatism and some simply because there is no room for any kind of manoeuvring...

They would have probably kept the pledge at the cost of something else - HAD they won outright, which we all know was highly unlikely. So why is university funding a more emotive issue than cuts in primary and secondary education or weekly bin collections or cuts in speed cameras? Well that's because some interest groups are more easily led (and mobilised) than others. Students are a classic case. They say that if you aren’t a liberal at 20 you have no heart. And if you’re aren’t a conservative at 40, then you have no head.

The tragedy is that most students in the UK have no idea what it's like to want an education so badly that you'd walk bare feet for 10 miles and study under street lamps. What they're objecting to is freebies being withdrawn. Like a spoiled child. The truth is nothing is free. Someone ends up paying for it. The old system makes posties and cleaners pay for educating doctors and diversity officers. What do they get in return? Nothing. Nothing at all.

Yeah, the argument is that we need doctors, we need teachers, doctors, dentists, etc. But we pay them handsomely for it, through our taxes or incomes. Should we pay for their degrees too? I don't think so.

This isn't about Tory-Labour-LibDem. It's about being so fanatically socialist (liberal?) that peoples' sense of responsibility is usurped and they end up completely impotent and dependent on the state. I'm no Neocon, but I don't think a race towards the lowest common denominator is the right way for any society.

I talk from experience in the real world. Actual people, actual capabilities, actual claims of competence. And actual let-downs. A few days ago, I got into a discussion with a sales assistant who said her 3-year, £18K, 'Meeja studies' degree was a way of 'finding herself' and a hobby', and I'm thinking - "I helped pay for that? Sheesh!"

A few days ago, I was debating this with a group of young people, one of which was a protester. I asked him if he'd read The Browne Report. His answer? "Wots dat?" A truly jaw-dropping, facepalm moment.

What students SHOULD be protesting against is the level and standard of education (dumbed down GCSEs to break records each year, Mickey Mouse degrees that mean nothing in the real world).

Do you speak-a my language?

A few days ago I was on a train out of Paddington towards Oxford on my way home, when I overheard an interesting conversation.

A few seats away from me, sat two young east European women, they couldn't have been older than 25. They were discussing their day, who said what, who did what, etc. Nothing out of the ordinary, except they were struggling to speak in English. I of course assumed English was the only common language they had - they were probably from different countries.

A middle-aged Asian man sat opposite them, ogling at them, wishing he was a couple of decades younger and some 25 kilos lighter. I didn't think he was paying any attention to their conversation, but then he interrupted, "Excuse me, where are you from?" He sounded like James Caan from the Dragon's Den.

The girls weren't surprised, nor did they pull a face and ignore him. Instead one of them replied, "We are from Lithuania."

"Oh, that's nice. Both of you?"

"Yes"

"I'm an English teacher in Reading."

Okay, he wasn't ogling. Nor was he wishing he was younger and lighter. Something had caught his attention - the same thing that caught mine. He continued, "You are obviously finding it difficult to talk in English, so I thought you were from different countries and English was the only common language between you."

I turned my Kindle off and tuned in with my full attention.

"Oh no, we speak many languages - Rashan (Russian), some German, some Polish, and Lithuanian."

"I'm curious, why struggle with English when you can speak in your mother tongue?"

"We try to speak English so it can become better."

"That's very impressive. I wish some of my students would do that. Did your teacher ask you to do that?"

"No, but all Lithuanians coming to London speak in English as much as possible. We try not to speak Lithuanian or we will not learn."

And at that point we'd reached my stop. I got off, smiling at the man I had wronged. I think he suspected what I was thinking because he scowled back.

Walking home I was thinking about this little exchange. "All Lithuanians coming to London speak as much English as possible. We try not to speak Lithuanian or we will not learn."

10 years of working with large numbers of immigrants, living in a community that is so insular and isolated, with levels of integration close to zero, I couldn't help comparing ourselves with the east Europeans. Admittedly, we have a strong work ethic, but it's about far more than that. Adapting, learning, integrating, assimilating have a lot to do with the way you behave, the way you conduct yourself and who your friends are.

I often joke that after 10 years of living in England, I would expect my dog to bark in English. Unfortunately many people I love and care about don't get it. Not because it's hard, but because they don't care, don't need to, don't want to and the laws of the land don't require them to.

Sadly, the only people reading about this little episode and my thoughts on it will be the ones who don't need the lesson contained in it. This more than anything else has led to the fragmentation of society, creation of ghettos and no-go areas and fed the general contempt people have for others not within their culture. A common language is a unifying force for any country. Somehow our politicians and leaders have forgotten that regardless of where we come from, we are one nation, and if we are going to be this one nation, there has to be something that binds us together.

There is a lot more that unites us than what divides us. I wish I could spread this message further.

Going West

I've moved home. After 10 years in the East End of London, I have finally taken the plunge and gone west. It's a bit manic now, but I will try and find some time to write some more about the where, the what and the why. Especially the why.

Funding Education: Getting businesses involved

I've just had a brainwave... let me explain; I'll try and keep this simple.

It is a well-known fact that the private sector has a far better record of resource allocation and optimization than any centrally planned structure. I think a system that enables and encourages individuals and businesses to fund higher education (i.e. university) by using money that is otherwise headed for the taxman, could work very well.

For example:

Let us assume I am a businessman, running a small business and my projected Corporation Tax for the year is £30,000.

I pay for the university education of an individual to the tune of £6,000 per year for three years. This amount that I pay comes straight out of the Corporation Tax due, reducing it to £24,000 for the year. Of course the net result for me will be nil, so as an incentive my Corporation Tax is further reduced by a percentage of the funds I commit towards university fees. This could be from a scale ranging from 10% to 50%, dependant on the student's circumstances (various criteria apply, explained in next section*). Let's assume the reduction is 40%. This would further reduce my tax bill by £2,400. Instead of 30,000 I pay £21,600.

Everyone in the loop benefits:

(a) Me: I pay £2,400 less, but because I am paying for a child's education, I will choose who I sponsor carefully, I will ensure they do well by providing all the support I can provide - work experience during the course and possibly an apprenticeship or even a job at the end of the degree to gain real world experience from the word go!

(b) The student: Completes a degree with no debt. Has the backing of a business, opportunities of learning practically alongside the academics and a route into employment. The student is better able to make the connection between learning and using their skills in the right context.

(c) The Government: Doesn't have to wait for the individual to earn a certain amount before they start paying back the student loan. There is no student loan! Admittedly, the treasury recieves £8,400 less, but surely this £8,400 has just been spent in the most efficient way possible, with little beaurocracy, no wastage, is targeted at an individual who will make full use of the opportunity and helps create a route into the world of work. No government intervention required!

Now this is just me. Imagine this multiplied over thousands and tens of thousands of businesses and companies.

This can be devilishly simple to implement, possibly through the university admissions systems (UCAS?). Again, no additional government intervention required. For maximum benefit to the sponsor, to society and to individuals, there would have to be certain eligibility criteria to adhere to. Students from poorer backgrounds, areas high deprivation, generational unemployment, lack of education within the family (uneducated parents, etc) should attract a higher rebate (see * above), while those in better circumstance would attract a smaller deduction.

I don't know if such a system exists or if there are serious flaws in my idea, but it sounds good to me!

Taxes cuts for the rich. Really?

I read this explanation of tax cuts some years ago and I thought I'd share it with everyone...

Whenever a new government announces tax cuts we hear this a lot: "It's just a tax cut for the rich!" The leftie press kick up a frenzy and the average wage-earner simply accepts it to be a fact. But what does that really mean? Just in case you are not completely clear on this issue, I hope the following will help. Please read it carefully.

Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner and the bill for all ten comes to £100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay £1.

The sixth would pay £3.

The seventh would pay £7.

The eighth would pay £12.

The ninth would pay £18.

The tenth man (the richest) would pay £59.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by £20." Dinner for the ten now cost just £80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six men; the paying customers? How could they divide the £20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that £20 divided by six is £3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).

The sixth now paid £2 instead of £3 (33% savings).

The seventh now paid £5 instead of £7 (28% savings).

The eighth now paid £9 instead of £12 (25% savings).

The ninth now paid £14 instead of £18 (22% savings).

The tenth now paid £49 instead of £59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a quid out of the £20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, "but he got £10!"

"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a quid, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!"

"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get £10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, lefties and pinko-commies, sandle-wearing tree-huggers and armchair economists, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start eating at restaurants overseas without you.

I found this video from How The World Works.

'Ten Cannots'

by Rev. William J. H. Boetcker (1873–1962)

1. You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and independence.
2. You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.
3. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
4. You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
5. You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich.
6. You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
7. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by initiating class hatred.
8. You cannot establish security on borrowed money.
9. You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
10. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.

LibLab, take heed.

Why I am a conservative

Election fever is upon us and no gathering is complete without at least one discussion on the debates, parliament, MP's expenses, immigration and so on. A lot of my friends appear surprised when they discover whom I support. I have to admit, some have reacted with shock - you know - eyes opening wide and jaws dropping, "What?!!" As if I'd announced I'd been diagnosed with a terminal illness.

It got me thinking though... why do I vote the way I vote? I am from a migrant ethnic minority. Surely, I should be a Labour supporter. Aren't they the party of the downtrodden, the disadvantaged and the weak? Don't they look after people at the lower end of the social strata, the immigrant populations, the lowly workers? Aren't they a more tolerant, more liberal and more representative of the common-you-and-me than any other party? Aren't they striving for equality for all? Well no. You believe that and it suits them just fine.

I often get hit with this: "But the Tories are the Nasty Party!" Which is of course the same as saying, your name is Khan and so you are a terrorist.

So why am I a conservative? Let's see...

• I don't believe anyone who hasn't lived my life knows anything about MY values, the importance I place on MY traditions and the respect I owe MY elders. I am the sum of MY experiences. Similarly, I don't believe that such a person can tell me how I should conduct myself. I don't think any politician has a better handle on what to do with my money - the money I earned - than I do.
• I like to believe that I can become whatever I want, rise to whatever heights I can reach and even beyond. I don't want to slow down to let someone who can't (or won't) catch up. I don't want to stop striving for excellence because it might make someone else feel bad.
• I don't want my son to be embarrassed to raise his hand in class because he knows the answer in case it upsets someone who doesn't. I want my children to learn how to be competitive, how to push themselves further to achieve excellence. I want schools to have a vested interest in my kids' education and achievement. And I'd rather neither of my kids brought back certificates from school every other day(!) for inane, meaningless achievements like 'sitting quietly in class'. They're warping the real sense of achievement they would get if they were sufficiently pushed.
• I don't resent wealthy people. No, not at all, you see, I want to become one of them one day. It isn't the government's job to make me successful; it's the government's job to create an environment that allows me to make myself successful.
• I believe in equal opportunity. I also believe that some people will be better than me at creating opportunities for themselves. Some people will be worse. I can't sing, dance or play football. Big deal. I'll find something else I'm good at. I don't need you to tell me.
• People of all races should be treated equally and any law, that states otherwise is immoral, unnatural and unfair. I don't believe in special treatment. Especially legally sanctioned special treatment. I want to hire people based on their abilities. I do not want people with no business experience telling me my staff or my Facebook friends' list does not represent the ethnic mix of my local area. I will befriend who I want, hire who I want based on my OWN perception of benefit and pleasure. Not some artificially created set of parameters created by someone who understands nothing of my business or the community it serves.
• I do not believe that dumbing down to the lowest common denominator helps anyone but the politicians hoping to look good. It throttles ambition and innovation - something that made this country great. You may deny this is happening; here's a simple test: Take a 1997 GCSE Maths paper and get someone who got an A* in 2009 to do it. Education, education, education indeed!
• I believe that as an ethnic minority, I am not automatically a victim. I need my government to stop treating me like one or even suggesting to me that I am victim. I believe that if I fail to integrate, I take no steps to learn what is needed; it is my own fault and my own responsibility. All I want the government to do is level the playing field for me. I do not want special treatment. I'm better than you think. If I'm not happy with my life, I'd like the opportunity and responsibility to sort my problems out myself. Thank you very much. If I want help, I'll ask.
• I believe that if I am ever down and out, my government should be there to help. I voted you in, remember? I want a safety net, NOT a hammock. I believe laws aimed at ‘protecting’ minority groups render them impotent. I also believe that this is deliberate and keeps poor people poor and dependant on the state.
• I do not want my government creating policies based on how 'nice' they make the academic thinktanks and unelected QUANGOS feel. Policies should be based on how it feels on the ground. Policies that I want for me. Policies that make life easier, make work easier and make society fairer. Oh, and I'd like them to ask ME first, seeing as it affects me. Not someone with an artsy-fartsy degree and a theory. Most new ideas tend to be inferior to the traditional responses which they propose to replace. To replace the wisdom of generations with a brainwave conceived over champagne in an ivory tower is ludicrous. I don't believe in sudden, knee-jerk reactions to social anomalies. Nature has a way of correcting problems in a much better and sustainable way.
• I am a citizen of the United Kingdom before I am a citizen of the EU. I'd like my own neighbourhood sorted before I lend a helping hand to others. Splinter, log? There's some sense in that you know. My priorities are my family, my community, my country and then the rest of the planet. In that order.
• I am shocked at the way children are treated like adults and adults like children. Respect for your elders is easily eroded when parental authority is undermined. I'd like my government to stay out of the way I raise my kids. My parents raised me without the fear of the state. My siblings and I turned out okay.
• Private industry almost always does a better job of allocating resources than the government could ever hope to do. It's their ass on the line. Bureaucrats have nothing to lose when things go wrong. It's not their money you see. I'd like my government out of business and industry and back into ensuring everything runs smoothly. I want my customers to come back. I will provide a good service. Let me.
• Having a government that is too involved in my life is far more of a threat than a government that isn’t involved enough. I will choose the temperature of my bath water myself, thank you very much. Now get out of my bath.
• I'm paying too much in taxes. If a third of my income goes in personal taxes and nearly a fifth is lopped off the rest when buy things, I'm not really working for myself or my family. If the government can't operate at a reasonable cost to me, they should cut back. Just as any enterprise or hardworking individual would. Simply put, I can't afford a big government; I'd like a smaller one please.
• I believe in educating people to my point of view. Not forcing them into compliance. The last guy who tried this started a world war. The one before him created a monster superstate.
• I believe in equality of opportunity, not equality of outcomes. Please stop using silly statistics to illustrate the bloody obvious. "90 nine to 11 year olds believe that 'obesity' is offensive' and may demotivate overweight children." Really? So we're going to call a spade a shovel then? I’d rather my taxes not be spent on such drivel.
• I believe when the government employs a significant chunk of the working age population and absorbs more than half the GDP to run, something is seriously wrong. One department takes money from me in the form of taxes and yet another department gives it back to me in the form of tax credits. Both departments employ an army of people who could be working to better the competitive advantage of my country and leading the way to technological and industrial advancement instead of shuffling figures.
• I believe that many seemingly ‘noble’ and well-intentioned policies of appeasement of special interest groups are simply very well disguised methods of securing vote banks. Divide and rule at its best. I’d like my government to not manipulate minorities in that way. It angers me that the bulk of my own community is goaded into supporting the very ‘regime’ that undermines them.
• I believe that the more the government tries to 'help' us with new laws and systems, the more of our personal freedom we barter away. As Benjamin Franklin famously said, "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither." Think about it.

All of the above is quite simplistic, in no particular order and not the entirety of my opinion. I could go on and on... Also, you can tell, I have not had the sophisticated education nor the fancy words some of the people who will refute my points usually come armed with. But maybe some straight talking is all we need.

What do you think?

Where the mind is without fear? Really?

A great man once said this about a great nation:

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high

Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

Perhaps my take on it is more relevant:

Where the mind is numbed by fear and the head hangs in shame
Where nothing is free
Where the world has been broken up into fragments
By silly, narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depths of deceit
Where tireless striving is only saved for instant self-gratification
Where the clear stream of reason has lost its way
And further damned by corrupt, self-serving leadership
Where the mind is misled into useless pursuits
Abject apathy and slothful inaction
From that hell of so-called freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

Toadstool Temple

Elf Elly sat down on her toadstool. She was upset. Everyone was ignoring her. Was it because she didn't believe in the temple? Then there was a flash! She was at a big place made out of toadstools.

"It's true!" she said.

Flash! Why, they're talking to me! Strange.

Achint Singh (9)

My Daughter :)

Invictus

by William Ernest Henley; 1849-1903

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the Pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.

I get goosebumps each time I read it.

Snow!

I thought that over the years the word had completely lost its significance for me. Having spent a majority of my life in two countries where snowfall is a given, I now have two children one of which has no memory of it and the other has never seen it. After nearly nine years in London and a few false starts, this was the real thing. Real snowfall that settled, stayed and froze over the next morning. And the day after.


I watched it fall, a mixture of icy sleet at first slowly developing into the gentle feather-like fall that makes it the event that it is. And the memories came flooding in...


My best memories of snow are from the 70s while at The Ahlman Academy in Kabul. I'm hurtling through the school grounds pushing a zimmer-frame like contraption and I hit an obstacle, topple over and break my nose. There's blood everywhere! I'm 7 years old. Mrs Cuthbert cleans me up and tells me to hold my nose up with my head thrown back. It doesn't hurt and I want to go back to play!


We're having a snow sculpture competition at school. Our class is making three gigantic mice (from the poem 3 Blind Mice) with sunglasses made of painted corrugated board. I've brought three large cartons from my Dad's office and painted them black so we can make the glasses. The senior classes are making a larger-than-life sculpture of Hans Christian Andersen's Little Mermaid - you know the one you can see in Copenhagen's harbour. We're all giggling at probably the first set of naked breasts our 7-year-old eyes had ever seen.
We're off to a skiing trip. My first time. I'm 9 now. While on the lift, I drop my skis on our way up the lift and they hit a German tourist. He swears at the entire group. I promise myself that I would never, ever ski again. Sledging maybe yes, skiing, never. The following year I take up ice skating and then deciding it's too girly (and after watching Roller Ball with James Caan) switch to roller skating. But I digress.


Our driver Amir Gul is clearing up the driveway and now there are 6 foot walls on either side. My brother, our friends Habib Shah and Mahboob Shah and I are digging tunnels, knowing this would collapse and fill up the driveway again and annoy the hell out of Amir Gul. He does get angry and we make it up to him by helping him fit chains on all our families' cars tyres.


I'm knocking off the icicles outside my window. Some are so long that they touch the bottom of the window - like bars on a prison window. Mrs Cuthbert explains the difference between icicles and stalactites - icicles are formed because water freezes and hangs around, stalactites are formed because water doesn't hang around and evaporates, leaving the dissolved chemicals behind. (Stalactites hold on tightly to the ceiling, Stalagmites might reach the ceiling - I remember that still!)


10 years later, I'm in Shimla. Snow is perfect for hiding (and chilling at the same time!) bottles of beer. Snow also means exams. Snow also means we'll be home soon. Snow also means bitter, bitter cold, boring trips to town, rum breath, no nookie-in-the-woods and a completely deserted Lover's Lane.


A cold drop of water on the nape of my neck shakes me out of my reverie and brings me back to the present - London, February 2009. I look around at the landscape - the landscape of low indices of deprivation, broken phone boxes, smashed bus shelters and toppled over bins. Except you can see none of that now. As far as the eye can see there is this vast sea of ankle deep snow, still fluffy, still snowballable, still snowmanable and still white and still pure.
It was getting dark now and I turned to go back inside. I paused. Turned back and looked at the white expanse before me.


And then I did something I hadn't done for over 25 years: 


I pee-ed in it.


"Frozen and slushy streets to work tomorrow morning", I thought to myself, as I went inside. "Damn!"

Holiday!

It's 3:00 AM and our taxi arrives in an hour. The packing's been done. My little girl is in her room making little drawings, unable to sleep. "I'm too excited to go to sleep, Papa!" she goes when I bob my head into her room.

My son, who usually sleeps deep, oblivious to everything has just knocked my door. "Shouldn't we be getting ready?"

"Ten more minutes," I say. "Make yourself some tea while you're waiting."

We're really going!


I can't wait to get away. There's plenty on the agenda - the Falls, the Maid of the Mist, CN Tower, the Great Lakes, Rogers Centre, Yonge-Dundas Square and a dubious sounding club called Besharam (Hindi: Shameless).

A 4GB memory card should be enough.


Snap Quiz: Where are we headed? Clicking any of the links is cheating!

Cruel Summer

It's hot. I can't handle hot weather, having lived all my life several thousand feet above sea level. A cold water shower doesn't help - you simply sweat faster than you can dry yourself. It says it's 27° but it really feels like 37°.

The Lapsed Blogger

The last time I came around here was over six months ago. So much for being prolific. I didn't think I could keep this up and I was right. But - I'm back. Someone once told me, "You don't get time, you make time." Well, I'll try and make time then.

What have I been upto since Christmas? Mostly it's been the usual, setting up new year's resolutions, breaking them before the bubbly's worn off, adjusting to the new home and new work schedule, changing my little girl's school, forgetting to redirect my mail, tweaking my company website and spending 12-16 hours a day, 6 days a week working my butt off.

Last month I hired an assistant. Someone who came with strong credentials and solid references. An HND in computing, her CV said. I'm sorted, I thought. Until I gave her a spreadsheet to design and populate.

"How do you want it on the spreadsheet?"

"Use the following headers - Name, NINO, Address DOB, Name of Course, Start, End.. etc. All the information you need is on the application form and learning plan."

"Okay, but you'll have to show me how to do it, we did not do spreadsheets in my course."

I froze. I have an under 14 at home that wouldn't flinch at that. What exactly do they teach in an HND in Computing? How to navigate MySpace? In the end it was my little boy who entered the 92 names on a beautifully crafted spreadsheet and got a PSP as a reward. Considerably cheaper than the £200 per week Her Ineptness, the HND was costing me.

On another day I called my office from a meeting. Six rings later, in perfect Estuary, "Hell-oh?"

"This is Banti, Good afternoon HND."

"Oh Hi Ban'i, how are ya?"

"I'm fine thank you HND, but that is not how you answer the phone in my office! Shall we try again?" I hung up and dialed again.

"Good moanin, Effec'ivi'y, Can I 'elp yew?" Giggle. It didn't sound funny at my end. Especially since it was 1:00 PM and my company is called Effectuality. What happened to the well-spoken person I interviewed a few days ago?

"Good afternoon HND. Were there any calls for me?"

"No Ban'i, it's been quiet all moanin." and then in the same breath, "Ban'i, I 'ave to leave early today."

"I'm not back until 3 PM HND, someone has to be there, why didn't you tell me this yesterday?"

"I forgot." That of course was the third time in two weeks. Her first two weeks with me.

"I'll be there at 3, you can go then."

"Fanks Ban'i". Dear Lord.


Needless to say, HND did not make it past week 3 and is back on income support where I found her in the first place. I swear I tried, I honestly did.