Sunday, 20 February 2011

What's A Labour MP To Do?

You would think they'd learned something by now...

Q: As a Labour MP, what must I be doing?
1. KEEPING A CLOSE EYE on the developing situation in the Middle East. This may be momentous. Democracy could finally be coming to the area. This could be good for the world and us. Or it could go horribly wrong. The world is changing fast, keep bloody up! Galloway will probably want to come back. Come up with a rehabilitation plan for the poor chap.
2. INCREASING AWARENESS of the importance of the National Census (March 2011) amongst their constituents. The census is the single most important source of data the government relies on to plan spending, research, etc. Okay, we never did like your ID Card idea, that doesn't mean you sulk. I thought you guys loved data! Think of all the discs you could lose
3. REASSURING BUSINESSES - the drivers of economic growth, that they will be supported and then actually supporting them. Show up at their openings, negotiate rates relief with local authorities on their behalf. Encourage them. Walk your High Streets. Buy stuff.
4. ADVISING LOCAL AUTHORITIES in their constituencies on how best to cut costs and manage within current constraints. The road ahead will not be easy. Get off the bench and help. Use your expertise. What a minute, expertise? No, no, no! You'd better just sit this one out and let the boys in blue handle it. Smile a little, that would help muchly.
5. COOPERATING. Or learning what that means. "It was only days ago that we voted Labour, Conservative and Liberal Democrat. Now we must put our differences aside and work together." Someone must have said that. Someone always does. Mean it. You landed the nation in it, the least you can do is help those that are working to sort it. Or get out of the way. And while you're at it, tell Crow to cool it. He's not Hoffa.

Q: What must I not do then?
1. ARGUE over whether a lawfully elected government has any mandate. Yes they do. The Queen invited him over to Buckingham Palace, remember? Now shush! 
2. HORSE-TRADE or otherwise waste time over AV-No2AV. Yep, A £250 Million spend is all we need right now. Do we even have time for this? Sort your mates out, we'll take care of the yellow corner. In case you hadn't noticed, no one gives a flying flipper.
3. ATTACK & VILIFY companies that operate within the tax laws. These were laws you made. And you can change them. You're MPs, remember? There's due process. Follow it. That's what we pay you for. A mob does not make rules. Put your union thugs away please.
4. WHIP PEOPLE into a frenzy over non-issues. We're not selling the forests like you did. We floated the idea, people said no so we shelved it. You didn't even bother to ask. High horse. Get off.
5. DENY any of the last 13 years. Stop it. You look stupid when you do that. We have records. We know. Everyone does.
6. APPEAR ON TELEVISION. Please don't. Unless it's on HIGNFY. So we can take the Michael. And give up on QT now. Enough. The BBC isn't your mouthpiece. Well not for long anyway. Chris? Sort it.
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