Glastonbury 2019

The upside of the collective orgasm over the guttural utterings of a half-naked man with a 12-word vocabulary at Glastonbury is that stab vests are now fashionable and therefore, in high demand. This will lead to competition and the lowering of prices as a result. Capitalism, if you will.

Stab vests are essential wear in London, thanks to its much celebrated mayor, and hey, they're now cool as well.

This will save lives -  ironically not something that affects those that forked out 250 quid online from the comfort of their gated cul-de-sacs in the commuter suburbs in leafy outer London for the privilege of entry beyond a wall that ironically, bore slogans like "I don't see any borders, do you?" and a £3,000 yurt they had their driver set up.

A pity this came a bit too late for the pregnant lady in Croydon and the hapless guy in east London, whose brutal deaths at around the same time, were drowned out in the virtue signalling jizz of the trivial culture, preoccupied with some equivalent of the feelies, the orgy-porgy and the centrifugal bumblepuppy.

Hi-vis vests are so last month and passè. Stab vests are where it's at. Primark, are you listening?

Eye Contact

Among the sea of eyes, I sense yours linger
And yet they avert when met with mine
A flicker of smile, a lock caressed away
Replaced by a cloud of feigned indifference
Was that flush imagined, in false light?
Did not the heart thump, the follicles strain
In a constitution shattering coup de foudre?
I blink in a splash of cold water on my face
And emerge straightening my tie
Hoping I never see you again.

Khyberman - 17 June 2019

Bhindi. Okra. Lady's Finger.

Serves 4

1 kg chopped Okra
1 tin chopped tomtoes
4 cloves chopped garlic
4 finely chopped onions
2 whole green chillies
Finely diced ginger
2 whole black cardamoms
5 cloves
A pinch of whole cumin
A pinch of asafoetida (hing)
A pinch of red chilli powder
A teaspoon of amchur powder
A pinch of ground turmeric
A handful of chopped fresh coriander
Salt to taste
2 tablespoons of vegetable oil




METHOD:

Fry up the onions and whole spices on high heat stirring all the while, till the onions wilt and brown a bit.

Keep the heat high, and add everything else. Keep stirring till you get an even pastey mix.

Keeping the heat high, chuck in the okra (Bhindi), stirring all the while for about 10 minutes. The constant stirring is important, so you burn off the sticky, lacy juices that ooze out.

Turn down the heat to very low, cover it and leave for 5 minutes.

Stir. Leave to cook for another 5 minutes uncovered. If it's sticking to the bottom, add a tablespoon of water and keep stirring to evaporate the water.

Before serving, turn the heat on full whack and stir for 2 minutes.

Serve with chappati and natural yoghurt.

Electile Dysfunction

Well, Conservatives and Labour, do you now know what electile dysfunction feels like?

Your undoing is your own doing. Raise your.. erm game, or be de-friend-zoned forever. Learn that no does not mean yes, and yes usually means harder.

Are either of you hard enough?